I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
