I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
