Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
