Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
