Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you win again, gameday.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
