from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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