You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
