There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
