Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
