We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
