worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
