i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
