so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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