i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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