i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
...so i touched it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
