It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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