and you said cock pushups were impossible
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
