i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
