My friends, they love my intelligence
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
