in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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