he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
