I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
