Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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