Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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