It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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