i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
