my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
