shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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