apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
