Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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