hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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