I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
