Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
