The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
