im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
