You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize