I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
