from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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