i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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