Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize