Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
