We need to rekindle our bromance
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
