I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
