i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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