kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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