i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
