So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
