Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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