Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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