the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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