how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
