This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
