I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize