Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
