I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
