I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
