My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
