Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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