shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
