I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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