I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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