i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
