I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize