Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
