My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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