I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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