She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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