sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
