I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize