last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
