omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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