Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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