Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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