Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
