I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
